I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
