I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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