So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
