Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
