Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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