did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
