forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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