Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
