If you die in college, do you die in real life?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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