we have pet lesbian snakes
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
