he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
