I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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