I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
