I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
