I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
