i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
