That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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