She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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