so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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