I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
