I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
