Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
