So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
