ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
