i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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