New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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