I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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