I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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