Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
