John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
