i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
