I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
