Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
