My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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