I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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