She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
