That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
