It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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