it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
worst night to have a conscience
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We have started to decorate penises.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
