marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
