hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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