Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
