I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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