Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
