I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
