I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
