YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We left an ass print on the piano.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
