I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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