Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
