Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
