I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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