final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
