Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
