Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
