My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He has the fingertips of a God
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